Party Time, Excellent!

    We had your birthday party a little over a week ago and it was fabulous.  Apparently Mickey Mouse is all the rage with 3 year-olds, so I made a Mickey cake.  It turned out much better than expected.  Your Nana asked if I could quit my job and start making cakes for a living.  Unfortunately, it took 2 days to make the cake.  I think I would have to charge about a thousand dollars per cake to be able to quit my job.  I don't think that will work.
    Happy 3rd birthday!  It has gone by too fast.

End of Summer

Malcolm,

You are 3!! Oh my, how did the time go so fast?  I can't wait for our party this weekend to celebrate.

It's been a great summer.  Though it was too hot and filled with mosquitoes (and the threat of West Nile), it was still awesome.  Thanks for sharing it with me.

Now, let's get serious for a minute.  I know the potty is a big scary thing and the hole may in-fact look like the gaping maw of a monster.  But I promise it won't bite your ass off.  Please just sit up there.  Diapers are expensive and your daycare is giving me shit about where you shit.  I thought the Mickey Mouse underwear would be the perfect bribe, but apparently your love for the mouse is crushed by your enjoyment of sitting in your own excrement.  Please just think about it.  I'll "encourage"/bribe you with whatever you want.  New bike?  You got it.  Pony?  Sure thing.  Personal visit from Perry the Platypus?  I'll arrange it.  Just so long as I  don't have to clean up poo anymore.  Thanks.

Fireworks and Baseball

Dear Malcolm,

When Aunt Jenn suggested a baseball game followed by fireworks as a 4th of July celebration, I cringed a little.  This would normally seem like a LOT of fun.  However, you are not known for sitting in one spot for 3 hours, especially when it's 101 degrees.  You had never seen fireworks, though, so we decided to give it a try.  It was surprisingly painless!  You played with the toys I brought and wanted to cuddle with me despite the South's thermostat being set to "hell."  You got to try popcorn and hot dogs for the first time.  (Sorry you ended up with a hippie mom who deprives you of these things)  The jump and look of terror after the first firework exploded was quickly replaced by you saying "Yea!" after every colorful burst.  Overall, it was a great success.

Rockstar!

Dear Malcolm,

This may be the only time in your life that you can have a mohawk and it will be considered awesome instead of stupid.  Enjoy it now.  I would totally get the same haircut if I wouldn't get fired from my job (and possibly divorced).  Your daddy isn't thrilled with the new "do," but he needs to learn to lighten up.  That may be the next phrase I teach you; "lighten up, Daddy."  That will go over about as well as the haircut did.  

Love you, my little rebel!

PS- When you grow up and wonder why all your childhood pictures are taken in the kitchen, it's because the light everywhere else in this house sucks.

Summertime

Dear Malcolm,

The driveway looks fabulous.  Thanks for mowing.

omg.

Dear Malcolm,

Your summer haircut makes you look look older.  Where did my little toddler go?  No more haircuts!

Spring fever

I'm ready for warm weather so we can go back to the beach.  sigh.

hoot

Dear Malcolm,

I'm so happy you like the winter hat I picked out for you this year.  I love owls, and it has been a very cute hat.  However, we live in the south.  There were probably less than 15 days this year where you really needed the hat.  It's time to let it go.  We are getting strange looks when you insist on wearing it in the 70 degree weather.  Summer is coming, it's time to find something new to latch onto.

Love,
Mommy

My Valentine

Dear Malcolm,

Happy late Valentine's Day.  You and Daddy are the best Valentines a girl could ask for.

Love,
Mommy

I pick out your clothes (for now)

Dear Malcolm,

There is nothing cuter than a little boy in overalls.  For real.  I'm considering getting rid off all your pants and only having overalls.  I'm pretty sure that would cause you to need therapy later in life.  But, hey, we all have to blame our crazy on something, right?  Might as well be overalls.

Autumn

Dear Malcolm,

Hooray for fall.  It's finally cool enough to play outside comfortably.  I love to watch you kick the leaves and giggle as they scatter.  Maybe this weekend we'll convince Daddy to rake a big pile just so we can mess it up again.  This has always been my favorite time of year, but it's even better now that I can enjoy it with you.

Love,
    Mommy

Shears

Dear Malcolm,

I really loved your long hair, but you were getting referred to as a girl more often than not.  Your preschool teachers where giving me disapproving looks when discussing your hair and even Daddy was getting a little frustrated by my refusal to have it cut.  So I gave in.  I probably should have taken you to a professional instead of giving you the toddler "mom cut."  I'm sure everyone that sees you will know it's a home job.  I promise to get you a real haircut when your old enough to get made fun of for having your mommy give you lopsided bangs. I'm so happy we both only cried a little.  Next time, please hold still so I don't have visions of turning you into a little Van Gogh.

Love,
Mommy

Before:

After:

All Hallow's Eve

Dear Malcolm,

You are going to be the cutest sea otter ever.  I'm not sure how long you will tolerate the costume, but try for at least long enough to go to one house so I can get a picture.  Deal?  I know you don't like sweets, so Daddy will trade you goldfish for the candy.  I don't think he will mind.

I'll try to wipe your nose before the next pictures.  Gross.  I always said I wouldn't be "that mom."  The one with the snot-nosed kid.  I was naive, it's impossible to not be that mom.

Love,
Mommy

Dinner time!

Dear Malcolm,

I know it's not cool for toddlers to eat, but please try on occasion.  I'm not sure you can live on crackers, cheese, and milk forever.  There are only a limited supply of crunchy foods that I can try to convince you are in the cracker family.  I'm sorry I tried to pass off pizza as a "tomato and cheese cracker" the other day.  I should have known you were too smart for that trick.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Malcolm,

Your dimples make me smile.  

Love,

Mommy

Back to the Grind

Dear Malcolm,

Vacation was fun.  I'm glad you have a love for the beach like your dad and I.  Looking at the sand and waves through your eyes gave me a whole new appreciation for how wonderful it is.  Thanks for that.

sleepy head

Dear Malcolm,

5am is not my preferred wake-up time.  Please try to sleep in tomorrow.

Love,
Your tired Mommy

PS- You are not photogenic this early in the morning.  Sorry, kid.

Carnage

Dear Malcolm,

Though it is amusing when you climb on your train table and destroy the city like Godzilla in Tokyo, it is also very messy.  I have no idea how to put that back together.  Poor Daddy will have to figure it out later.  Please play nice.

Love,
Mommy