Party Time, Excellent!

    We had your birthday party a little over a week ago and it was fabulous.  Apparently Mickey Mouse is all the rage with 3 year-olds, so I made a Mickey cake.  It turned out much better than expected.  Your Nana asked if I could quit my job and start making cakes for a living.  Unfortunately, it took 2 days to make the cake.  I think I would have to charge about a thousand dollars per cake to be able to quit my job.  I don't think that will work.
    Happy 3rd birthday!  It has gone by too fast.

End of Summer

Malcolm,

You are 3!! Oh my, how did the time go so fast?  I can't wait for our party this weekend to celebrate.

It's been a great summer.  Though it was too hot and filled with mosquitoes (and the threat of West Nile), it was still awesome.  Thanks for sharing it with me.

Now, let's get serious for a minute.  I know the potty is a big scary thing and the hole may in-fact look like the gaping maw of a monster.  But I promise it won't bite your ass off.  Please just sit up there.  Diapers are expensive and your daycare is giving me shit about where you shit.  I thought the Mickey Mouse underwear would be the perfect bribe, but apparently your love for the mouse is crushed by your enjoyment of sitting in your own excrement.  Please just think about it.  I'll "encourage"/bribe you with whatever you want.  New bike?  You got it.  Pony?  Sure thing.  Personal visit from Perry the Platypus?  I'll arrange it.  Just so long as I  don't have to clean up poo anymore.  Thanks.

Fireworks and Baseball

Dear Malcolm,

When Aunt Jenn suggested a baseball game followed by fireworks as a 4th of July celebration, I cringed a little.  This would normally seem like a LOT of fun.  However, you are not known for sitting in one spot for 3 hours, especially when it's 101 degrees.  You had never seen fireworks, though, so we decided to give it a try.  It was surprisingly painless!  You played with the toys I brought and wanted to cuddle with me despite the South's thermostat being set to "hell."  You got to try popcorn and hot dogs for the first time.  (Sorry you ended up with a hippie mom who deprives you of these things)  The jump and look of terror after the first firework exploded was quickly replaced by you saying "Yea!" after every colorful burst.  Overall, it was a great success.

Rockstar!

Dear Malcolm,

This may be the only time in your life that you can have a mohawk and it will be considered awesome instead of stupid.  Enjoy it now.  I would totally get the same haircut if I wouldn't get fired from my job (and possibly divorced).  Your daddy isn't thrilled with the new "do," but he needs to learn to lighten up.  That may be the next phrase I teach you; "lighten up, Daddy."  That will go over about as well as the haircut did.  

Love you, my little rebel!

PS- When you grow up and wonder why all your childhood pictures are taken in the kitchen, it's because the light everywhere else in this house sucks.

Summertime

Dear Malcolm,

The driveway looks fabulous.  Thanks for mowing.

omg.

Dear Malcolm,

Your summer haircut makes you look look older.  Where did my little toddler go?  No more haircuts!

Spring fever

I'm ready for warm weather so we can go back to the beach.  sigh.